Revealing the Secret of the Art of Teaching

     Trying to see the world from the perspective of someone else is something I try to teach my children and my students.  It is also something that I enjoy doing as a teacher and a mother, often with humorous results.  I love watching my toddler discover new things like the meaning of  red lights and green lights.
    “The light is green, we can go mom.  Like Go Dog Go.”
     A simple concept that I follow automatically daily, but it's suddenly exciting as I watch him make connections.
    I asked my students to finish common ideas about teaching, education and learning.  Exactly what do they think it means to be a teacher?  Why is learning important?  Is education important?  Here are the results that I found the most enjoyable:

To teach is to... have fun. 
I like a teacher who gives you...no homework.
The moment you stop learning, you...start thinking.
I am always ready to learn, but...not ready for homework.
You cannot teach a... teacher.
Anyone who stops learning is...going to have a hard time later on. 
The moment you stop learning, you...are free.
I am always ready to learn, but... I get sleepy.
The art of teaching is...getting stressed.
I am always ready to learn, but... I don’t like learning.
The moment you stop learning, you...throw a party at your house or mine.
The art of teaching is...hard.
You cannot teach a...dork.
The moment you stop learning, you...become a hobo.
The art of teaching is... getting the questions asked.
I am always ready to learn, but...learning is for kids.
You cannot teach a...math class if you don’t know math.
A good teacher is like a... manager.
I am always ready to learn, but...not really.
A teacher is one who...has had lots of school.
A good teacher is like a... mom always helping.
I am always ready to learn, but...I’m not always ready to fight.
To teach is to... have fun.
The teacher who is indeed wise does not...give wrong answers.
The best teachers teach from...scratch.
A teacher is one who... loves school.
The teacher who is indeed wise does not...yell.
The object of education is to prepare the young to...complain.
    And finally my absolute favorite:
        The secret of teaching...the teacher’s lounge.

Mom a Three Letter Word

    The word “mom” is such a simple word.  Just three little letters.  The same forwards or backwards.  When spoken it can seem an endearment one moment and a swear word the next.  A tiny word that when shouted in public draws crowds and guarantees heads will turn.  A simple word that can create joy and dread in the hearts of  women. 
    “Mom,” sweetly uttered by toddlers, said in tones of awe by children, and gasped with disbelieving embarrassment by teenagers. 
    Mom, I’m thankful to be one, but sometimes dream of a moment to myself.  Mom, a different creature completely from dad.  Mom, a word that looks so simple, but is deceivingly complicated.

Just Me and My Toddler

    I started my day demanding to know who had angered the Gods because once again I woke up to snow.  SNOW!  It is April 30th!  My mother quickly comment on my facebook page that I was to blame because I have been a neglectful daughter.  Sadly it is true.  I have some good excuses though, teaching (work) and motherhood.  A week of snow when it is supposed to be spring has meant high strung, cooped up students and too much indoor recess.  Spring fever turned upside down by sudden freezing storms equals chaos.  Throw in a middle school daughter who “has to” have a new outfit for the dance tonight, moody 15 and 2 year old boys (so many years separate them yet their temper tantrums sounds look so much alike) and I’m exhausted at the end of each day. That’s just how this week seems to be.  It’s always something, isn’t it?
    That’s why it’s so nice to be sitting here locked in my toddler's room.  I'm happily typing,while he's dancing and bouncing on his bed as he enjoys some tunes.  I’ve been trying to check out this sight for a while, but I’ve just caught glances before.  I’m glad we’ve hidden away and taken a closer look.  It’s called “Munchkin Radio.” http://www.munchkinradio.com/  Moms with little kids take a look, I think you’ll like it.

Why I Can't Sleep: The Discussions In My Head

     I'm very wise in the middle of the night.  Between the hours of midnight and 4 am I seem to think a lot, too much in fact.  I lay awake having conversations and pondering life when I should be sleeping.  I write whole advice columns and self help novels.  I tell my daughter all the things I want her to know, the parents of my students all the things I need them to hear and my husband exactly how I'm feeling.
    Tonight as I lay my head down to sleep I started a conversation with my daughter.  She's 12 years old.  She's a great kid, I lucked out.  She hates that I want to have so many discussions.  They embarrass her.  I'm rather frank.  I know she thinks I'm crazy and only takes in maybe half of what I say, but I figure half is better than not saying anything.  So, I start conversations in the middle of the night in hopes that I can streamline all my deep thoughts for her.  Things like sex, love, marriage, and God.  I've changed my opinion in those areas as she's grown up and I want her to understand my thinking.  I also want her to understand my train of thought and why I've changed, but know it will come down to her choices and that's what is most important, she has choices.  I won't be mad, eventually (let's be truthful, I'll have emotions), if she makes thoughtful choices.
   Truthfully, the older I get the luckier I realize I am.  I also realize what an odd duck I was and how right my parents were.  Also, that by them being honest and talking to me, even though I didn't always follow what they said, I didn't always just rebel, I thought and often made choices.  I didn't just run on instinct.  I think the most frustrating thing for my mom about this statement must be that because of this I'm about as far away from the religion that I was raised in as she ever imagined I'd be.  That's what's scary about being a parent, knowing yourself.
   The older I get the more I think I change and the more I want to make life easier for my kids.  If they'd only listen!  So, whether they like it or not I trap them in the car where they can't escape and talk about things they wish I wouldn't bring up.  I ask them questions they don't neccessarily want to answer, because as embarrassing as it is and as honest as my parents were I still think I have things to say that could make life easier for them.
   

Just Like Marie Curie

      Every winter I teach a unit on researching and writing about Pioneers. Not the covered wagon, American west type of pioneers, but people who went before and prepared the way for others to follow. People who came up with something new or took part in the early development of something. Those type of pioneers.
      Each year I have mixed emotions about the whole teaching process of this unit. In the beginning when I assign their pioneers, I’m excited. I’m fascinated by each of the people I’ve chosen and feel like I’m giving each student a gift. They don’t always agree with the “gift” part, but usually my excitement is contagious. Next, their assignment is just to read the various articles and books about their pioneer. I still like this part. Each morning someone approaches me with some tidbit they learned the night before. I encourage them to become experts on their pioneer. They’re the only one researching that person and it will be their job to teach the class at the end of the project. The next step isn’t my favorite, but it’s not the worst part either. This is the part where I lead them as a class through how to research. I demonstrate and we practice together using my hero, Jackie Robinson as an example. This always seems to go smoothly.
     Then comes the part I dread, the part where they do their own research and write rough drafts. Twenty-four people need me at once. Research requires some independence. Independence and decision making are skills being taught and learned through out this unit. I recognize that. They’re third graders. It is just a very constant, tiring balancing act I perform. Keeping everyone on task, while helping and conferencing with each student, while answering questions. A huge variety of needs have to be met. It takes much patience and endurance.
     There are the rushers, the ones who think they’re done in a day. They don’t use dates, they only use the information from time lines or the index. They’re facts are often random or insignificant. They only use the simplest resource they have to find information. When I ask them specifics or encourage them to find more information, they tell me that isn’t in the books or they can’t find it.
     There are the distracted. Unfortunately research requires wise time management and some organization. These skills are part of our group practice with Jackie Robinson. I give them a variety of tools to help with organization: outlines, folders, pockets. I give reminders and dates for time management. I conference, edit and question throughout the process. However, talking to your neighbor, wandering around the room, staring into space, asking to go to the bathroom or get a drink and sharping your pencil for the tenth time in half an hour, doesn’t get much done.
     There are the perfectionists. These students come in two groups. Those who write down every little detail, afraid to leave out any information. Or those who can’t decide what to write down. They don’t want to be wrong, so they don’t write down anything at all.
     Finally, after much blood, sweat, tears and editing, their written report is done. We are all exhausted and relieved. I am also always amazed. My expectations are high on this assignment. They are required to practice and combine various skills for this project. It is truly a process and the end result is usually all that I expected and more. They do develop as writers and produce informative, interesting final products.
     Yesterday, however, I had one of those positive moments midst the chaos. I remembered why this assignment is so important. I regained some of that joy I get from teaching and learning about the pioneers I’ve chosen to assign.
     While helping a student decide what to include in her Marie Curie report I learned something new. I know many things about each of these people I assign to be researched. I need to know if my students are getting their facts straight. However, there’s always something new to discover.
    Marie Curie was a strong woman. She is an example that I think every woman should read about, especially working women and girls discovering what they can become. Marie Curie did things that women of her time were told they couldn’t do. In Marie’s time women were supposed to be the weaker sex. Luckily, she didn’t believe that and she found other’s who didn’t believe that myth either.
In 1897 Marie Curie gave birth to her oldest daughter Irene. While excited, Marie was also overwhelmed. Besides being a new mother, she was expected to take care of her home. On top of those two things she still had school to complete. How could she do all these things at once?
     I know many women who have asked themselves this question. The difference is that because of women like Marie Curie we have choices. Thinking about continuing her education was unheard of in her day. Getting an education, many didn’t even choose this path, was often just something to do until a woman got married. If she continued her education after marriage, she most certainly stopped after having a baby. However, Marie was smart and surrounded herself with people who thought her education was important. A creative solution was found to her problem. This solution, which is the new fact I learned today, was quite unique for the time.
     Marie Curie’s father-in-law lost his wife a month after his granddaughter was born. Lonely and sad, Dr. Curie offered to move in with the couple and care for his granddaughter. This solution allowed Marie to continue her studies a little less stressfully.
     Why do I find this fact so fascinating? Marie Curie did after all win two Nobel Prizes, one with her husband and one on her own. These facts seem much more important than a childcare issue. For me, it’s the facts about childcare issues, lessons learned from parents and role models, or the struggles that people survive that makes a pioneer. These are the things that often create a person who can lead the way and try new things. I loved discovering that Marie Curie was a pioneer in women’s rights, not just in science. Marie was a woman whose accomplishments were not only great discoveries in science, but also included not allowing poverty to prevent her from getting an education, being a working mother and raising strong daughters. Irene, along with her husband, earned a Nobel Prize of her own in 1935. Discovering that Marie Curie worried about work and motherhood is the most important thing I’ve learned about her. It makes me a little bit like her. It also reminds me of why I teach this long, difficult pioneer research unit. I teach it so that hopefully the student assigned Marie Curie each year learns from her example and dreams of being just like Marie Curie.

Mommilies: Do I Sound Like My Mother?

     Every year in October our school invites mothers to join us in class for the morning.  As part of this tradition my class and in fact all the third graders write mommilies.  Mommilies are things that mom always says.  The students brainstorm for homework and then practice writing quotes in class.  I always enjoy this activity.  Lots of common sayings and idioms are listed, along with phrases unique to individual families.  My own two children did this activity in third grade.  Students pick their favorites from their lists, create final drafts and then a bulletin board is created in the hall outside our classroom. 
    
     The reaction of the moms is always mixed.  Most laugh, some shake their heads, some disagree with their kids, while others try to explain.  This activity is funny and sweet.
   
     This year on the day I sent the brainstorming home I also posted a request on facebook for friends to share either mommilies they themselves use or mommilies their moms said.  I listed several of my own personal mommilies.  Things that my kids used when they had this assignment.  Here are a few:
   
     "I can only do 50 things at once and that is the 51st!"
     "I don't really like you at the moment either."
     "What is your father doing?"
     "Am I embarrassing you?  I don't mean to embarrass you."

    
     A few I remember from my mom, mostly idioms, include:

     "If wishes were fishes we'd all live in the sea."
     "Mind your P's and Q's."
     "Money doesn't grow on trees."

     Here are the ones sent to me on facebook:

     "No blood, no band-aid!" (from my mom.... Mine is "hurry scurry")
     "There's no crying in ______" whatever we may be doing . .
     "You don't HAVE to go to school, you GET to."
     "You can want all you choose, but you still....(have to, can't etc.)"
     "Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't asking if you wanted to, I'm TELLING you. . .!"
     Once when Andrew was little and was driving me nuts asking for something and "why can't I do/have it? Huh, why, huh, why?" I got exasperated and said,"Because I'm a mean, horrible mother who must hate her children." He looked shocked and started to tell me how great I was instead of continuing the begging. That became our "mommily". Anytime we ... Read More didn't have time or patience to argue about something, it was, "because I'm a mean, horrible mother who hates her children" and I would get a hug or rolled eyes instead of fights.

     And finally, some from my class this year:

     "No MORE QUESTIONS!"
     "Nobody can make you do anything."
     "I'm leaving now, bye."
     "Love others like I love you."
     "Use your brain."
     "Do you need love?"
     "Turn off the lights.  I don't own the power company."
     "I'm not your slave/waitress."  (There were multiple versions of this.)
     "Only boring people get bored."
     "You can wreck it for yourself, but you can't wreck it for all of us."
     "Sing at the table, whistle in bed, along comes the chopper and chops off your head." (I just write them like I see them.)
     "Use your OWN brain."
     "NO!  Do you have enough beans?"
     "No bleeding, no broken, you're fine."
     "How ya doing pickle?"
     "If you don't do it your name is mud."
     "The four B's: Bath, brush, books, bed."
     "In you go Indigo."
     "Hard is good."
     "You know the drill."
     "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!"

     Mommilies just make me ponder and think.  Many moms in my class seem to have the same reaction.  What do I say when I'm on autopilot?   What do I tell them so often that they don't even listen anymore?  Do I sound just like my mother?
    

Motherhood: Too Young or Too Old

I’ve been musing a lot lately about motherhood. Particularly about myself as a mother and how much I’ve changed from my first child to my last child. I’ve been pondering the right balance of over protective, let them learn from their mistakes, lots of advice and too lazy. A couple of things have brought on this self reflection.

First, my younger sister is due to have a baby in a few weeks. I am the oldest of four girls. The second oldest is the one pregnant. What’s so funny? Interesting? I’m not sure how describe the situation, is that she’s kind of doing a repeat performance of me two years ago. Two years ago I had a 11 year old and a 9 year old. My husband and I were enjoying the experience of having older children and all that we could do as a family. We were happy with two children. We had out grown our younger ideas of a bigger family and realized life was good. We were doing everything to avoid getting pregnant, except one of us having surgery. I was 34 and my youngest was 10. I was happy having my kids when I was younger and I never wanted a huge gap in their ages. (Everyone has their own experiences, but for me having my kids in my 20’s was how I planned it, I wanted to be done being pregnant by my 30’s. I’m not saying one way is better than the other, I’m just commenting on my own experiences.) Of course it’s when you get the most comfortable that life throws the unexpected at you.

My husband gets embarrassed when I say this, but I don’t really care, it’s how I think of it, I call it our “swear in the bathroom pregnancy.” When the stick turned blue and I said, “Shit.” Then I bought three more tests to be sure. Next, I told my husband.

His response was, “Is there a way I’m supposed to react?”

I told him, “No, you can swear, I did.”

So, ten years after our daughter and twelve after our first son we were starting over. This time I was in the at risk category because I would turn 35 a month before he was due. I was old this time and felt it.

Well, here it is 2 years later and my 34 year old sister called me this fall and said,”Guess what? I’m pregnant and we weren’t trying either. Maybe it’s a family thing to be really fertile at 34.”

She turned 35 during this pregnancy too and she had about the same due date I had. Strange, or maybe not, maybe I don’t know some medical reason women get fertile about this age, one last ditch effort by our bodies before time runs out. Let me know if there is, otherwise I’m sticking with the family curse and warning the other two sisters.

Her gap between kids isn’t quite as big as mine, but it’s still significant. It’s just such a strange experience having my kids spread out so far and doing things all over again. Sometimes it’s easier, because I’m older and wiser. Sometimes it’s harder because I’m older and so done with it all. This brings me to two other experiences that induced my deep thinking.

First, was playing hockey with my 14 year old. Once a week I play roller hockey in a recreation league with my oldest. It’s one of the highlights of my week. I can’t wait until my daughter is old enough to join us. Her skills are good enough, she’s just too little. We’re not on a very good team, but we’re together, doing something I love. Last week we lost big time, however we scored one goal. That goal just happened to be a pass from mother to son for the score. My hope is that someday this will be as memorable to him as it is to me. This is one of the benefits of having kids when I was in my 20’s, being able to mostly keep up with them in their teens. I thought about my toddler, when he’s 14 I’ll be in my 50’s. I still plan on playing hockey of course, I just don’t think it will be the same.

The last event happened at the park Saturday. My youngest was climbing on the playground equipment, while his sister’s soccer team warmed up. He was climbing a ladder and I just stood back and watched. It wasn’t tall and I was close, but I wasn’t hovering right behind him. I remember when my oldest first explored a park. I used to follow him around “spotting” him. I’d let him try things, but I was always right there in case he slipped or fell. I don’t feel the same need to hover with my youngest.

In fact on the same trip to the park he tripped and I discovered myself saying,”That’s okay, everybody falls sometimes.”

He got right back up smiled, brushed his hands off and played some more.

I distinctly remember rushing over to my firstborn on such instances gushing,”Are you okay? Are you hurt?” And him bursting into tears.

That’s what’s nice about being an older, more experienced parent, I know it’s okay to sit back, watch and let things happen. It’s true, everybody falls sometimes and often it’s no big deal.

So, which is better, being a young, active mother with more energy, but less experience? Or being an older, wiser mom with less energy who sometimes lets things go? I’m not sure, but I’m feeling sort of lucky as I realize I get to be both. I get the best of both worlds. In fact as I sat in the Jumpolene in my in-laws backyard yesterday singing songs with my toddler I realized that because of the ten year gap all of my kids get some benefits. The first one got attention because he was the oldest, the middle got different attention because she was a girl and the youngest gets everyones attention because he’s so far behind the rest. Motherhood, never what I expected, usually more to learn, always an adventure.