Not Quite a Dream Come True

      Maybe I'm a worse mother than I thought, but I doubt it.  I think many mothers have had a similar dream from time to time.  The dream to be sick or injured, not seriously, but just enough so that they can take a break without feeling guilty.  A daydream of having someone tell them that life was out of their hands and their was nothing they could do or say about it.  Well, this has sort of happened to me for two weeks and I admit it's not really that relaxing or happy.
     First of all, I always seem to forget what a control freak I really am.  I like to pretend I'm a go with the flow kind of girl and point out that my key ring is a disaster.  I can't be a control freak if my keys are not on the ring from smallest to largest or if I still have keys from cars long gone or to things I'm not sure where to find.  I'm not an OCD kind of control freak.  I'm a control freak in that I like to know what's going on and to have a say in how things are done.  I like to make sure things keep moving and make sense.
     Second, this is not a year to feel comfortable getting sick and missing work.  It's a little irrational, but last year there were changes made at work because of the economy that shocked and surprised me.  I don't think anyone feels safe in their jobs.  Also, I don't think many people understand this, but it is really hard to plan for a sub.  Gathering materials,  writing directions for routines, writing lessons plans and directions for several subjects, remembering hints about dealing with different kid's needs or behaviors, it is very draining and time consuming.  I can't just cancel appointments, reschedule or find someone to cover my shift. 
     Lastly, it's beginning to get really lonely.  I have a two year old who I wave to from my room where I'm sort of quarantined.  I don't want him to get sick so I've stayed away for two weeks.  I tell him I love him and I don't want to give him owwies, so I can't snuggle or hold him.  I sleep alone, so Mike doesn't get sick and my coughing doesn't keep him up.
     This whole situation is really starting to get me down.  I'm not so sick that I'm oblivious to the world around me.  I haven't had a fever for two days.  However, I'm still coughing up a storm, hoping to not pee my pants every time a fit occurs.  I get worn out really easily and my head still pounds.  I'm healthy enough to finally realize everything I have to do at work when I get back, but sick enough not to be able to do it.  I miss my kids, my students at school and playing hockey.  I wish I could make myself dream of something else, but the dreams of my sleep aren't actually any better.  I keep dreaming about class reunions involving murder mysteries and funerals, playing hockey naked, storming a radio station and yelling at my boss.  I think it's time for more cough medicine with codeine.