Similes, Third Graders Say How They Really Feel

(I wrote this two weeks ago, but went on vacation and never got it published.  Better late than never.)
I asked my class to finish some similes.  Their choices were:
        Vacation is like ...
        Reading is like...
    _____is as sweet as ______
    _____ is as helpful as _____
        Writing is like...
    _____is as embarrassing as _____

Some of their response were what I expected, some were funny and some were confusing.  This was the best one:
    My mom is as is as embarrassing as the chicken dance.
I know my teenagers would agree with that one.

Spring Break is next week so I wanted to see how they felt about vacation.  Here are some of their responses:
    Vacation is like jumping in gumballs.
    Vacation is like moving.
    Vacation is like summer forever.
    Vacation is like moving somewhere new.
    Vacation is like your favorite treat.
    Vacation is like me land.
Sounds like they’re looking forward to the break as much as me.

There were some differing views about writing.  The first one is my favorite:
    Writing is like a trip to the underworld.
    Writing is like going on vacation.
    Writing is like eating pie.
    Writing is like dying.
I’m just happy the one about the underworld incorporated our study of Greek Myths into his English practice.

The only simile about reading that didn’t read like a library poster was this one:
    Reading is like never getting in trouble.
Hmm, does it keep them out of trouble or do they like to read about trouble instead of getting into it themselves?

Next are some “helpful” comparisons.  Any thoughts on the first one?  I was thinking if I put the word “witches” in somewhere it would make more sense to me.
    Horses are as helpful as brooms.
    Friends are as helpful as a parent.
    Dad is as helpful as a friend.
    Dads are as helpful as servants.
    Dad is as helpful as a tractor.
Seems like I have many helpful dads in my class.  I think most of those were meant as compliments.

Finally, one more embarrassing moment, who do you think wrote this one, a boy or a girl?  I can tell just by looking at the hand writing who wrote it, I don’t even need to find they’re name.  If I look closely I’d bet this paper doesn’t have a name on it.  Nope, no name and the paper is written on with the big blank heading space at the bottom.  (I’m shaking my head.)
    Whoopie Cushions are as embarrassing as a real fart.
This student’s progress report comments read something like this:
 ...is an independent thinker.  
...thinks outside the box and is full of ideas. 
...is learning when humor is helpful to learning and when it is inappropriate.   
...enjoys attention, whether negative or positive.
I have to admit I did laugh out loud when I read it and it’s not like anyone else’s simile.

Just another example of why I love teaching and a taste of my day.